Mothers are our first loves because they first loved us. She’s the first voice we hear, the first person to feed and take care of us. Also, our mothers typically are the first women we really admire. What else do we get from our moms? We may get her eyes, smile, impeccable sense of style, or we may inherit mom’s allergies or asthma. The mother-daughter relationship can be challenging. Often parents bemoan their toddlers going through the terrible twos. Well, there can be this thing called the terrible teens. A patient once complained to me about her teenage daughter saying, “Dr. Henry, my daughter went to bed normal and woke up a crazy person!” I reminded my patient that she was once a teenager and to recall what she put her mom through. Perhaps this was karma!
Communication Do’s & Don’ts for Mothers
When it comes to the mother-daughter relationship, there are some do’s and don’ts. The very first do is communication itself. Moms, do a regular check-in with your daughters. Perhaps something like, “Hey sweetie, how are you? How was your day? Anything you want to share?” This is so important. Children report in surveys that their parents are the most important resource they want to go to for information.
Please don’t try to be the cool mom by dressing in an unbecoming manner. Recall the mothers in Texas, appearing at school in bed clothes, which prompted the principal to institute a parental dress code. You may think to yourself, “Well, those women didn’t communicate.” Actually, they did. Without saying a word they’d already spoken. By showing up at that school wearing inappropriate clothing, they were communicating to everyone how little they valued their children’s education.
Communication do: Maintain that queen bee role, the alpha female in your household. Adolescence will be fraught with some level of conflict, and I know some girls can get a little out of hand. As mothers, it’s your job to maintain your composure and remind your daughter who’s the boss. Being firm yet cool, works. It shuts the nonsense down immediately.
Communication don’t: Moms please don’t overshare information that your teen daughter really shouldn’t know about. This may especially be problematic for single moms because you don’t have that other adult to lean on right there in the home with you. If relationship difficulties exist with your daughter’s father, don’t downgrade him in front of her. That kind of behavior can backfire. She’s a child, not your buddy or therapist.
My last communication do for moms is be a listener, not just a lecturer. Some teen girls feel as though their mothers don’t listen to them. The teenage years are sandwiched between childhood and adulthood. There’s a lot of uncertainty on the part of the young lady. She’s feeling hormonal and awkward, so there will be some mood swings and frustration. Please listen when your daughter needs you to. Sometimes she just wants to know she has someone to talk to.
