Let’s Talk About Sex is the title of a popular song released by rap pioneers Salt n Pepa in 1991. I feel it was an artistic attempt to deal with the disconnect in communication that occurs when it comes to the three-letter word that’s so taboo in the community—sex.
So how do you as a parent overcome the anxiety about discussing sex with your teen? Often parents avoid this conversation because they’re in an emotional space and dread the thought of their daughters growing up. Remember this: emotion is the enemy of reason. The way to have the “Birds and the Bees” talk is to follow the Nike slogan Just do it! Mothers (and fathers too), please sit down and be frank with your daughters about your own experiences. This approach humanizes you. As your daughters mature, they will begin to realize that their parents are flawed and have made some missteps along the way.
There is nothing wrong with having these types of conversations. Personally, I think it helps your child to grow up. Part of adulting is actually being able to have the difficult discussions and own your stuff. Your kids can figure things out. Again, they are not as naive as parents would like to believe, so one way to open up the dialogue is by saying, “Listen, sweetheart, I wasn’t always your mom.”
For a lot of women, it seems they are only viewed through the prism of motherhood. Yet that is not all of her life story. She may also play the roles of wife, daughter, sister, and auntie, but most importantly, she is a woman. A woman with dreams and goals, who has made mistakes and learned from them. It’s okay to share that with your daughter. If you had your baby when you were young, tell her about it. Did the condom break? Did you have to drop out of school, or did it take longer to achieve a certain goal that you had set for yourself? What about friendships? Opportunities? What happens when you are a teen mom, and your friends are not? Had your parents, (your daughter’s grandparents) not really prepared you for the realities of sexual activity? Let’s break the cycle of avoidance and ignorance. Explain to your daughter what really happened, good and bad. For example, there’s a conversation between pivotal characters in my book, Nia and her mother Sabrina. Let’s just say Nia comes to a better understanding of what her mother had to sacrifice by having a baby at a relatively young age. This is the kind of information to share with your daughters, so that they can begin to consider the consequences of their actions and make solid decisions.
